My life will always be like that? CAN'T I get my old life back?

18 years old but>>> staying alone and facing all the loneliness. Crying a lot behind ppl. Missing family like hell. Have to worry about many things. Always wishing for grandparents to have long life as can't stay beside them and take care. Being fooled by so many liars. Have to bear the consequences of the things I make alone by myself. Solving the problem I face by myself. Have to think for the future. That's my life.

What's the benefit I get from it??? Engineer, get money, have good future, can stay in Singapore. Damn it, s***. I want to shout aloud and wanna ask myself, "Is it worth?". Where are the kisses I always get from my family? Where is the care I always get from my family? Where's my grandpa who always stand for me. Who I've to hug and cry when was beaten by cruel ppl. Surely, that's not what I want. What I want is live happily with my family and being loved by them. Still closely. Some may say that, after my graduation, I can still like that. How about my grandpa? Already 83 yrs old. Cannot walk. Cannot even hold a spoon very well. Who can say for sure that he can live another ten years? And how about the loneliness he's facing now without me?